I can’t help but look back and wonder how I got here. It wasn’t the easiest of roads and there are still many things left to be explored. I know I won’t feel different tomorrow morning. It’ll be the mark of continued growth.
Here’s to another wonderful year!
Inside my head.
Reality for me is inside my head. I don’t want to sound like a crazy person… but things play out in my head a little differently than real reality. Okay, maybe I am crazy.
I can’t explain it. It’s like watching a movie. A really good movie. One of those movies where you insert yourself because you’re so similar to the protagonist.
You phase out everything that’s distracting in the moment and jump into the feet of the fictional character.
And for a moment… it’s real.
The emotions, the thoughts, the opinions, the “don’t do that”s. Even if it’s for a second, it’s real.
Just imagine that happening all the time.
Maybe part of my introverted-ness is wading through all the junk to make sense of what is reality and what is real.
In the end, I’m left crashing back into a world that turns upside-down and inside-out… wishing there was just one more scene, a couple more minutes, for the ending to resolve. Sometimes it doesn’t happen and real life goes on… but sometimes it does. The few “happily ever afters” that come my way are held close.
life is a dance.
you can visualize where you’re going to go as much as you want to.
in the moment,
with adrenaline rushing through your body,
your feet carry you where your heart wants to go.
North Korea: A land of the forgotten
The whereabouts of my Great-grandfather, grandfather, and his brothers and sisters are unknown. All that is put in the comments section of my family tree is “whereabouts unknown.”
Because they are in North Korea.
As immigrants to the United States and born in South Korea, my parents made their own journey to a land of promise. Fast-forward two decades later, I cannot imagine growing up in Korea or knowing anyone in North Korea.
Since the Korean War of 1953, the DMZ along the 38th parallel was created and is today the most heavily militarized border in the world. There is no crossing. Only two buildings full of soldiers ready for an all out call to arms. Two phones are the only communication between these two sides.
The reality is that I will never meet these family members. Because of the famine of the 1990s, it is most likely that they did not survive along with millions of North Koreans.
Without basic necessities, North Koreans are forced to try to escape into China and then make the long trek to South East Asia to seek asylum in the South Korean embassies. Most do not make it. China and some South East Asian countries consider North Koreans illegal migrants and are jailed then sent back to North Korea where they will most likely face torture and public execution.
This heartbreaking image of a mother and child (North Korean refugees) being dragged away from a consulate by Chinese officials caught the attention of the international community.
We must not forget that this is still a reality today.
life is meaningless.
after reading Ecclesiastes, it’s been stuck in my head.
I keep asking myself, “what am i living for in the moment right now?”
pretty much the book concludes that fools and the wise end up in the same place. dead. it’s a little bit morbid (I’d like to think sarcastic). it doesn’t mean we give up and crawl into a hole and prepare for the worst. it actually means live in the moment. the permanence of life we feel in making weighty decisions don’t actually impact us for long (even if it is a lifetime). Because all men are like grass, and our glory, the flowers. Either it will be blown away, dry up, or get hacked by the lawn mower (my interpretation…).
don’t give up on the dreams you have but don’t make life so grand that you can’t live up to expectations. it’s a balancing act while we try to maintain an intimate relationship with our Creator. Because back then, there was no “heaven.” There was nothing to look forward to in the afterlife (there are actually a lot of misconceptions about heaven now anyways). There was just a pit of darkness, Sheol.
so what if I lived every moment caught in that balance without even noticing it. God meant for me to live life to the fullest, so why am I holding myself back?
life is meaningless.
What’s the point of songs…
if they don’t try to change the status quo?
if they don’t try to infect people with hope?
if they don’t make people think?